Ghosts of the Past
by ArtemisJade
Summary: Husband dead.  Daughter dead.  Forah of the Earth Kingdom is traumatized and in hiding from the Fire Nation General who took everything from her.  When she's taken in by a wealthy Omashu-kingdom family, Forah fights not only her past, but the future.
1. Preamble

A/N – I don't own Avatar in any way, shape, form or fashion. This is intended to be a short story with only a few chapters.

Timeline: Ttaking place between the start of the war and Aang waking up (somewhere in that 100 year period). Im pretty sure none of the current cast of the show will ever show up in this fanfic, as it's a side story and not about them.

Prolog:

I married way too young. But he was handsome and I was pretty and we didn't care. The elders warned that we were star crossed when they read our fortune the morning of the wedding. The clouds overcast were a bad omen. But we still didn't care.

Under the shade of the awnings at the Temple of the Avatar, they joined our hands as husband and wife. We were happy. For three years that followed, we were happy. In our little village by the bay, and with a baby coming, we were happy. For us, our world was perfect; we had everything.

Then the War reached our home.

All able-bodied benders and fighters were called to service… my young husband had to go. Though he didn't want to leave our unborn child, and me it was his duty. There was talk of people deserting, of not wanting to fight. The enemies that crept closer each day seemed only to grow in strength as our numbers dwindled.

I had heard of this strategy before, used on the Southern Water Tribe. All able bodied benders were captured first, taking out the primary defenses. Then the non-benders would be picked off. With the village defenseless, there would be nothing to stop the pillaging and burning… and the sacrilegious things done to those left behind.

It wasn't our fault and we were too young to understand we couldn't outsmart this dragon. My husband talked about deserting, about running away and going into the mountains, away from the edge of the Fire Nation where the enemy couldn't reach us. But with the baby perilously close to being born, there was no way I could become a homeless refugee. I refused.

I should not have refused. Everything to come could have been avoided if I had only gone. But I was young, as I have said, and terrified. Mother to be, I did not want to be a widow, or the wife of a deserter. There was no sympathy for either of them in our small village in those days. Not with the enemy getting closer, and the increasing need of more manpower on the front lines.

Everyone who showed the slightest hesitation to fight was punished. People's lives depended on others willingness to risk everything. This is why, when my loving husband went, almost begging on hand and knee, to the General to ask an escorts out of town for those unable to fight, he was executed.

Executed.

Executed.

Executed.

The shock of such a thing happening, in our own village, and by men we knew… When they told me I broke. I screamed. Screamed in horror, screamed in terror, screamed for my life and my sanity. Screamed because if I screamed loud enough my husband would come back to me, and we would flee into the mountains, as he had wanted.

No one was friend. Not in those days. Not after such a demonstration was made of one who was deemed a traitor. There were no friends for a traitor's wife. With the enemy closing in, with so many lives being lost daily… I suppose someone had to take responsibility. It was I, with my swollen belly, that became the embodiment of weakness in my people. I was shunned and reviled; turned away from food stalls and the bathhouse. Taking the blame for everyone who ever deserted, becoming the reason for all their sins, I was ostracized by my people, my nation.

I don't know when I lost the baby: somewhere between the nightmare of my reality and the reality of my nightmare. I don't remember the midwife or maybe there was none. I only remember the pain in my heart and the gut wrenching fear that they would come for me next, a new example to be made, and I didn't know when I stopped being pregnant.

Only with the reality that I had lost my remaining reason to stay, I sought freedom. I needed to flee my home – OUR home!- survival being the only thing on my mind. My second mistake of a lifetime was stopping to think of what I would need to take with me. I should have run… but I was young, as I have said, and had never been on my own. Fear rooted me just long enough…

Racing around my house, I took up a bag. It was green with the Earth Kingdom insignia on the outside. Inside I placed a wooden rice bowl, the meager money I had, and my most durable change of clothing. Also a knife my husband had given me at our wedding. A family heirloom from before the Great War started – the Fire Nation insignia on the handle bespeaking a time when the Four Nations lived together in harmony.

As I stopped to stare down at this knife, hating the Fire Lord's war and hating everything, I wondered if I should destroy it. That hesitation is what cost me, for there came a knock on the door. Smart enough not to answer it, I was almost to the backdoor before the man was on me.

We fought. I fought hard to get him off of me. Blinking threw rage and anger and most of all betrayal I fought. I was overwhelmed though, and drug outside. I was brought to the streets, to the gallows where my husband's blood still stained the block.

It was the General that had murdered my man. He was asking me questions, wondering at my loyalty. He wanted to know where my baby was. He wanted to know if I wanted a real man in my bed. He wanted me to come stay with him and his wife, because I shouldn't be alone in a time like this. After all, as pretty and young as I was, surely I understood why I deserved better than that dog who's head now adorned the pikes on the front line.

And that's when it happened; I Raged. Earth Kingdom, Fire Nation, Air Nomads and Water Tribe – all have their berserkers. Their War Bloods, who Rage.

Dimly I was aware of someone shouting the lines had been broken. There were much rushing about and so much hollering. The sounds of the benders barking and baying like hounds to each other only infuriated me more. The General, only too aware of what a War Blood was and what kind of weapon I could be for him, directed the non-benders, lease essential fights if I should kill them, to take me to the front line… and let me loose.

Blood. Fire. Earth. Water. Wind. Pain. Fury. … Rage.

My village, my beautiful village that my beloved ghost of a husband and I had so carefully chosen to spend our lives in, burned to the ground that night. Fire Nation army battled the Earth Kingdom troops. Rock and dust flying, charred flesh sizzling and smoking. Lightning in the air. All of this around me and around me and around me mixing with my caterwauling and praying. I knew not whom I fought. Flashes of green I though were friends mixed with flashes of red I knew were enemies.

In the end, the Earth Kingdom troops won the day. Though victory had a cost… There was nothing left of the village; gone with my husband and my baby and my life. I died in that night. I lay in the mud and gore and the sorrow, panting and gnashing my teeth. Someone told me to run, to flee while I still had legs to do so, while I had breath in my lungs.

So I did. I clutched my bag to me, still around my misshapen middle, and fled. Though I died in that village, my ghost turned towards the moon and departed this world. Perhaps I though I would find my husband there, or our child. If I ever found anything, it was that no one was safe from the War and its victims may never find peace as long as they remember what they've lost. I was alone and on the run from the General who killed my man, from the Fire Nation for killing so many of their troops, a childless widow of a traitor to my own people and a dangerous War Blood on the lose.

I was seventeen; I was too young.


	2. GrabnDash Bar

**First:**

I don't own Avatar:TLA

If I did, I wouldn't be making a sequel that plans to suck the fun that is a-youthful-Aang out of the show and replace it with Steampunk bull hokey in order to pander to a 'more mature' demographic.

**Second:**

Wikipedia:

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder

Berserker

Knowing a bit more about these two conditions may help you get more out of this story

Chapter 1:

"Forah!" he calls. I ignore him out of spite. "Forah, you better get in here and take care of these. _Now_." I sigh and throw down my rags, not going to accomplish much progress on my dishes at that moment.

Throwing on a bubbly expression unbefitting someone in such a manic state, I spin out of the kitchen and back to the customers. Wasting no time, the customers help themselves to free pinches and slaps in all the wrong places.

Men. How did I ever think I could love them? Had I ever held one and not wanted to kill him?

My employer, if such a low wage as he paid me could be called 'employment', eyes me up and down. The letch doesn't care what I do as long as he can see me do it. Dishes, cooking, sweeping… mopping with a rag on hand and knee… none of it matters, as long as he gets to watch.

Did I ever love a man? I wonder this as I buss the tables of their dishes and scrape food from the floor. Surely I must. Surely I did. I should have at some point because that almost forgotten feeling still creeps up on me and takes my breath away. Still doubles me over in tears and regret till I am pleading with the ghosts of the past to let me go. _I know_, I whisper, _I should have run. I was foolish and I will never make that mistake again. Please… let me go._

It's been a few days now since they have come to me. It's a measure of peace I am enjoying, despite every effort on the part of my company to keep me gloomy. I've worked this little dive for almost a month now. Situated deep in the Earth Kingdom's lush forests, far away from Fire Nation boarders. This rat hole was frequented by the worst of society looking to socialize – and by the best of society who didn't belong in their own world.

Not that I could blame the ilk of this place; I was here for the same reasons they were. No one asks about your past, no one speaks truths, and no one cares. A pretty face is just as likely to get you killed as to get you bedded. For the most part, people leave me alone. Once or twice a stray hand strays a little too far and some poor man loses a finger… but that was a hazard men willingly faced.

There's a very complicated caste system in the Earth Kingdom. Where you were born, and to which family counted. However, being a bender counted more. It didn't matter if you were the daughter of the most influential Commander east of Omashu… If you couldn't bend then you were only going so far. Non-benders would never be put in charge of benders and benders were always regarded before non-benders.

For the most part, people accepted this. Non-benders didn't hate benders; there were no internal power struggles or any of that kind. People are who they are, bender of no. Benders and non-benders alike have family and friends of the opposite, so animosity is pretty much non-existent.

I say 'for the most part' because there are always exceptions. There are always the desperately lazy benders who don't want to have to work to go far. The impetuous few that could bend were ten times as dangerous as those who cant and for obvious reasons.

"Waitress, over here!" Calls a man in half fire nation uniform and half Earth Kingdom peasant attire. Stolen goods all around but you took what you could get. My own attire, simple green dress, was belted down with a yellow sash. From my waist hung my husband's dagger. In more civilized parts of the world, anything bearing Fire Nation insignia was cast out, along with anyone who bore it. Here… nothing goes to waste – not even the enemies discarded weapons and armor.

I sidle over and neatly dodge several hands, and stand out of reach of my customer. If I want a tip he'll get his feel but not till he's had at least three drinks. My employer loves me- the waitress who can get men drunk off his beer with a smile and a twirl and then lead them to the door. Sometimes I divest them not only of a tip but of their wallet as well.

"What do you want?" I ask.

"Anything nice to drink around here?" the man inquires. I resist the urge to raise an eyebrow at him. It was code, asking for the location of any Earth Kingdom deserters or benders who haven't been … invited... to the war yet. The blood zings threw my veins and I have to resist the urge to spill a torch on the man. He had no idea why I was the _wrong_ person to ask about deserters so I forgave him.

"Just the house beer and water I hauled up from the creek last … Tuesday, I believe." The other waitresses just can't figure out why my customers buy so much beer. They wont believe m thatt I don't give customers a choice. Who wants stale, week old water when cold beer in a clean glass is available? I don't tell them about other things we have to drink. Beer is easier to sell and gets the best tips out of gullible men.

Scowling, the man leans in and repeats his question, "Beer all you got around here?" When the location of a viable bender could be purchased for the price of a drink I was so glad the whole of the Earth Kingdom's seedy underbelly knew of my non-bender status. Deserters were worth two drinks … and maybe a pet to warm your bed for a night if you could bring them in alive

"No sir," smile, "just beer and water." Tilting my head I became coy, "You want two beers don't you? Bet one isn't enough to quench your… thirsts?"

Shaken from his vexed pause, the man grinned from ear to ear, "Yeah," he said, voice like gravel over gravel in a gravel grinder, "I'll have two beers."

"Great!" I spun around, swung an arm out to stop Midra, the other waitress, and motioned her to the table, "Your customer wants three beers, pronto and don't skimp on the foam." I tapped two fingers on the man's table, diverting his surprised face away from Midra, "And be sure to leave a good tip. Midra's been here all night and she'll roast the next man who stiffs her on a tip." I retreated back to the kitchen before the man realized what happened. _Good dishwater, staying so hot for momma_.

Midra could handle him. Not only was she not a fire bender, but also she was the exact thing had had asked for; a deserter and Earthbender who was on the run from the War. She'd lost both parents as a child and had refused to answer the summons when it went out that all viable benders must join the army. Non-benders had a choice. People like her didn't.

It wasn't fair. She was as old as I had been when the War had scared me. That was three years ago, though. I had bounced around from town to town since then. Never staying for too long because that General was looking for me. When I started to hear my own description being asked around I would pack my things, see how much money I could steel over the next day, and leave town.

Here today and gone tomorrow.

I'm traveling again. My small green bag is around my hips, dagger stuck safely inside. Though I managed to get enough money to last a few days, I knew it wouldn't be enough to get me out of the Gossip Zone.

The Gossip Zone is a bandit deserter term, I realized. It's the distance between the person looking for you and the whispers that precede them wherever they go. In my case, whispers asking about a pretty girl, dark brown hair, yellow eyes and pale skin. All the answers come back the same to that description; there a dozens just like that.

We're only a generation removed from the one that started the War, after all. Before then, all the nations were friends. The villages on the boarders all had children who looked like one nation or another because of parents that belonged to both. Or grandparents. Or great grandparents.

As long as everyone knew and understood that Im a throwback and not Fire Nation, that was fine with me. Looks alone weren't enough to condemn people. If anything, looking too much like Earth Kingdom could get you killed as the Fire Lord often turned out spies who would blend into a native population, throwbacks as they were to an Earth Kingdom or Water Tribe grandparent.

What sent me apart were the scorch marks on my hands and forearms. I had fought hard for my life that night four years ago. I only remember bursts of pain afterward, my hands covered in Fire Nation blood. The bastard was dead, but the scorch scars from fingertip to elbows were proof enough he went down fighting. They were easy enough to hide, and almost fully healed. The Fire Nation liked to physically scar its victims, all the more to leave lasting impression in people's minds. Fear propaganda at it's worst.

The nights are getting chilly as I travel. Heading roughly towards a mountain, I figure there might be some cave or another that I can house in for a while. I often get asked if "little lady" is afraid to travel alone at night and with no food.

No. I discovered a long time ago that I could take care of myself. I'm no longer that screaming child; she died that night in the village. Forah isn't scared and meek. Forah is Warblood and has proven time and time again that, no only can she hunt and make fire to stay safe beside, but she can steal and lie and cheat and connive. Forah can take care of herself.

Who needs a man?


	3. A Dream of the Dead

First:

I don't own avatar. If I did, Katara and Zuko defiantly would have had some three way flirting. In truth, I'm a [gasp] Zukaang shipper, but hell if you can even find good Zukaang stories

Second:

Guess what? This is the actual second chapter. Yeah. I left it out on accident. Though, really… its not needed. I though about not posting it but when you can leave a full chapter out of your book and not break the flow of the story, that's not good, right? And in truth, a bit of stuff in this chapter is essential for what comes latter on.

Also, the chapter is broken up oddly to reflect the narrator's discombobulated mindset. It's meant to reflect broken jumps in time and inability to keep a steady flow of though.

Third:

"Come away oh stolen child

To the waters and the wild,

With a faerie hand in hand,

For the world's more full of weeping,

Than you can understand."

_The Stolen Child_, penned by William Butler Yeats, sung by Loreena Mckennit

Chaper 2

Too cold. Just too damn cold! "It's sooo _cold!"_ My childish mewlings echo off the walls of this paltry excuse for a 'cave'. "Oh, Gods on High, I'll give you two rabbit foxes if you'll take me back to Quasmaji and empty out a warm bed!" I'm thankful no one is around to hear me like this. The hoodlums back in Quasmaji would love to know I was desperate for a warm bed… Especially after finding I filched their wallets and ran.

I'm working at some sticks, grinding them together, with a rock and some twine, trying to get a fire started. The bad thing about the cold after a rain is how bone chillingly _damp_ everything is.

"Yep," I tell the Gods, "I'm spoiled. I want hot tea, a plate of firescale snapper drizzled with butter and a dozen pillows." I shivered extra hard under my thick brown cloak, borrowed from my former boss, "Make that two plates of firescale snapper and half a dozen pillows."

I work the stick, strings, rock and twigs for several more minutes. I'm getting frustrated. Really, really frustrated. I'm spitting and sputtering at the twigs. I had carved them out of the wet sticks so they were dry. They were dry, damn it! _Catch fire! _ If wishful thinking alone made fire, the whole forest would be ablaze.

For a moment, this seems an intriguing prospect…

The rocks, sticks, string and twigs all hit the far wall of the cave and I sit back, huddling against the wall. Not like I've never gone cold before so it would be no issue to do it again. _No issue at all._ It's just that I though I could get a fire built so I didn't make a real attempt at creating a shelter… The thing I was hiding under was just a rock sticking out of a hillside. _Some cave._

Frustration and cold are not good friends. One demands action, the other steals strength. Which only leads to more frustration. If I can just relax I can fall asleep and not be bothered by any of this anymore. So I concentrate on relaxing.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Breathe in and out.

Breathinanout…

I'm reminded the next day why it's a bad idea to sleep outside in the wet and cold, with no fire and no food, on the for-all-intents-and-purposes open ground. It doesn't hit till about midday, but I curse the feelings when they come. Curse loudly at first, but as my energy fade I just hope I can find a good place to hunker down before the worst of it hits.

Three days latter I'm pretty sure I'm dying. The illness that started that night on the open ground has progressed. It's in my head, in my lungs, in my stomach and in my heart. The last one of course is only metaphorically.

_I'm sick of this life-on-the-road toadshit; I want to go home!_

Maybe find my parents or my grandparents. I have an uncle and some aunts out there too. Perhaps one of them would be so inclined to take in a starving niece. Who wouldn't want to take in a sickly niece, a traitorous niece who put herself before her country and fled the warfront?

These thoughts and so many, many more are spinning threw my head as I slip in and out of sleep. The ground grows colder with each day as the wind becomes more and more biting. The fires I keep are small, as I cannot gather much in the way of wood in my condition. The stooping and bending brings about such pains and fevers.

I keep thinking that if I rest enough I'll have the strength to hunt and get food into my stomach. But this is not that kind of sickness; it ravages its victim from head to toe, stealing all it's strength and blocking all it's pathways.

Seeing and even breathing have become a challenge. Coughing and sputtering now steel what little energy my sleep brings me. When I sleep I dream and when I dream I see _him_. My husband, my love, my _all_. I try so hard to go to him, but he holds me back, keeps me away, always at arms length. When I wake in panic, in longing, how sad am I that even his touch in a dream is enough to help me make it threw another day.

In my dreams I see myself on a warm oceanfront, perhaps the very bay I used to live on. I see my daughter, the one I was suppose to have. How I think it's a girl, I know not. I never saw the child… I don't even remember her leaving my body. She looks like him, always in light greens with white flowers in her hair. Always digging in the dirt, little feet kicking up rocks and shaping sand

When I decided it was ok to just lay down and die, I can't recall. It was not my decision, but I suppose it was _his_. He told me to follow him, to stay where he put me and not to move. He said he'd come get me when I was able to and take me with him to where he was, he and our little daughter.

Dark and windy, chilly nights followed. Waiting for him to show me the way, I sat by the hole I dug for myself by the creek side. It crossed my mind that this may be my grave. I certainly never though this is how I would end up, though I suppose it makes us even. I put him in a traitor's grave; he could put me in a pauper's unmarked ditch.

Finally he does come to me, hand in hand with our darling, so small and so cute. I follow them to the roadside, almost killing myself to get there. My hands and feet, face and spine are numb from the cold. I lost my shoes, my cloak, and have ripped up my dress. I still have my bag though, tied securely around my hips. Even my shrinking figures wont release it.

Stealing from my hiding spot, where I had been attempting to avoid the marauders of the Underbelly, I place myself where they could find me easily. There isn't much left in my weary bones but I wrap my scorched arms around myself, heavy limbs almost refusing to cooperate and half drag myself into a good position. My whooping coughs steal my air, my strength and – I think – my life.

I at least think to position myself somewhere I might be found. Not so that I could get a proper burial – oh no, I know I'll haunt these woods for what I've done – but so that perhaps whoever finds me might make use of my things after I'm gone.

I dream. Not that the dreaming are oft aware that they are dreaming, but lucid dreaming has always been a favorite pastime in my family. In my dream, there is a warm bed in a warm house by a warm fire. A warm hand is on my head. My husband is smiling down at me. I smile back and speak his name softly as I reach for him. He isn't angry with me now, as his ghost has always been, though I think that since I am dead now as well perhaps we can leave the past behind us and move forward to eternity.

His eyes are sad and he listens to my tears and pleading apology. This time I tell him that I will run with him, I will leave. This time I know I have the ability to take care of us. He listens to me tell him about my sorrows, about how much I've learned about the world. I'm not the child I was, the little girl he married, anymore. I'm Forah of the Earth Kingdom of Omashu and I would choose him again and again and again…

I wake, I shake, I sleep, I dream. This is my existence for far too long. Death has a funny transition phase, I assume. First you start out feeling very, very dead, then as you progress you feel more and more alive. Guess that's the natural transition into the afterlife.

My dreams become more real each day. There is a bed and a house and a fire and my husband. Our little girl isn't there. At least not when my husband is. I see her from time to time, sitting by the fire or working on some bit of sewing. She is ageless, an angel of continence constantly reminding me what I lost. When I see her I cry out for my husband. He comes running for me, hastily taking my hand in his, placing a cool cloth on my head and shushing me.

He doesn't see her, my little girl. I ask him to make sure she's had something to eat or that her clothes are clean. She smiles up at me as I talk and I reach out to take her hand. Giggling at me, she runs away and I send my husband after her. He looks at me with great pity and leaves me there, making me promise to rest and eat if he looks after her. I'll do anything he says and I tell him this.

"_I'll follow you into eternity."_


	4. Seru Kalo

First:

I don't own Avatar: TLA.

However:

I DO own Forah and all OC toons that aren't part of the original Aang-verse. I reserve the right to replace "I lost my husband to the War, oh noes!" with "I'm a Half-breed gender-bender fairy he-she trollop from Greenland" and completely change this story from Avatar fanfic to an 'original' work.

And I just might.

Second:

There is an Avatar Wiki out there somewhere that is a great source of research material. Feel free to look it up if you want to know more about the Avatar universe or want more information to use in your own fanfics.

LAST:

Sorry for the 'present tense' and 'past tense' chant up in this chapter: I didn't notice it till I was right about to upload it. Adding this note is faster than going back and fixing it at this time, and I can keep working on the next chapter.

Chapter 3

It's been two weeks since he found me on the side of the road, half dead and sick as a dog. I mistook him for my husband. It was an easy mistake considering how well he took care of me and nursed me back to health. But that also explained why he couldn't see my little girl.

He keeps me in a back room of the house, where they store things. Judging from the materials around me he and his family do some kind of construction. There are tables and parchments and instruments for drawing. Sketches on the walls bespoke a fluid and swirling artistry. Almost like Water Tribe, though it was merely influential in what were obviously Earth Kingdom decorations.

It was a design workroom, with a little fire and a cot for sleeping. I don't know who normally slept where I sleet now, though it was probably him. Only once did I see anyone else besides he; a woman had come in and left a change of clothes for me. In and out of sleep as I was, sick and hugging the wall so I didn't have to see my daughter on the floor alone where I couldn't reach her, I was usually asleep when he was working or cleaning.

He works allot, bending over his parchments and sketching, sketching, sketching. Most of the time he doesn't speak to me but when he does it's with such softness it makes me want to throw myself at him for want of affection. It's been three years that I've been alone, traveling further and further away from the General and the Fire Nation.

Refraining from dramatic displays of attention seeking, as caution is best in these situations, I wait with some patience for this feeling to pass. The need for company is strong when you've been alone as long as I have. The need for stability can wither any woman's resolve when she finds herself once again in a family house with a fire at her feet and food in her stomach.

"You don't have to stare at the wall all day." He says softly. At his desk on the far wall, he's a doodling again.

At his feet under the desk my little baby is slumped against the rungs of his chair asleep. She's not the reason I'm facing the wall today, not really. It has more to do with mortification at my tearful confessions and whining. This man who saved my life, I had mistaken him for a dead man and made him promise to care for a child that wasn't his. I had called out for and grasped at a thing that wasn't there. The ghosts of my past made a fool of me these last two weeks and I cant bear to deal with the discomfort of the situation. She isn't there and yet I see her, too confusing.

"Thank you for helping me." This is all I can croak out. Still weak from the illness, I don't do much except sleep and eat. He even brought me a basin and I had given myself something of a bath. The woman brought a chamber pot that disappears and reappears each day.

We're silent for a moment and sleep comes after a bit. Though it seems as if it comes and goes annoyingly fast. Rest is needed though; my strength has grown with each passing day. The food they give me is good; whoever cooks in their house needs to be praised!

The days grow colder but my heart grows warmer. The bed is warm and the fire is warm. I could learn to like it here, I think, though I know staying would be dangerous for them. Staying just means confronting my ghosts and I'm not ready to do that.

Just a couple more days and the grow woman in me wants to pay my debt to these people and, I suppose, head off. Lying in the bed becomes more tiring than the coughing fits that still overtake me. He says I have usually strong lungs and I accept the compliment with some dignity.

"You should eat," he said, helping me to sit up and placing the tray of food in my lap. It feels good to have someone touch me in a kind way once again. _My next stop_, I vow, _will involve work where I don't have to let a man put his hands on me to get enough_ _money to buy dinner_.

He smiles allot, though I can see the sadness behind his eyes. If I can help it, I avoid his gaze even if he tries to look nice. After a while I think he understands why I don't want to look at him. Sitting up now so I can hold my own plate, I don't need his help to eat anymore.

Taking a seat at the food of my bed, he endeavors to keep me company. This gesture makes me happy and I smile into my rice and vegetables, silently letting him know it's ok for him to stay where he is.

"I'm Seru Kalo. People just call me Kalo" A voice like that melts butter. The pouting doesn't show in my face though inwardly I'm envious of whoever he has waiting for him outside this room. Lucky bitch better hold onto her man before someone like me seeks to take him far away.

His name is Seru Kalo, but they just call him Kalo. It sounds Water Tribe to me and I suspect mixed ancestry, like my own. A name isn't enough to give him away; his completion is medium like that of all Earth Kingdom and his hair is a brown to rival my own. His eyes, however, are blue. Yes, somewhere in his family is a Water Tribe girl who strayed too far from her ice crystal palace and went to ground with this man's grand pappy- somewhere back in the line.

The sound of our breathing is a comfort with the smell of the meal, the warmth of the blanket and the sound of the fire. My daughter has left us for the time being, off to play with children I can't see, I suppose.

Knowing Kalo's ancestry makes me a little happier. No wonder he's such a bleeding heart: the Water Tribe are known for Saintly compassion in the face of despair. The last Avatar from the Northern Tribe had been a Healer the likes of which no one had ever seen. In the Avatar state, she single handedly mended the blood and bones of hundreds on the battlefield, floating them all in the river water from their Spirit Oasis.

The Fire Lord sought the healers of the Northern Tribe shortly after the genocide of the Air Nomads. He wanted them for his own infirmaries. Only too late did he realize that the warriors he captured, being male, were inept of the art of healing. Interrogation found that even if they did find a trained Healer they would get no use out of her without the magic waters from the Spirit Oasis. And so that quest was abandoned…

Wondering what Tribe Kalo was descended from gave me an excuse to talk about something. Being rude wasn't a trait I was known for before I left home. My polite conversation would be over neutral topics, I hope…

"Your Water Tribe?" I asked politely and blew on a bite of food. _Good lungs! Make momma proud! _When blowing on my food didn't make me sputter I felt accomplished.

He seemed surprised to hear me speak. I'd be surprised too.

Moving a hand to rub the back of his neck nervously, he replies shyly, "No, Im Earth Kingdom."

When He didn't elaborate I let the subject go. Some people didn't like to talk about their families and who was I to push it? Obviously he had to know he had Water Tribe in him because blue eyes belonged to them. Earth Kingdom had light brown eyes, but mostly green. Air Nomads were gray eyed and Fire nation had yellow-gold and amber brown eyes. There were rare exceptions, throwbacks I have said before, but they were becoming fewer and fewer as people started staying in their own kingdoms. Which may explain something of his aversion to…

"We don't really know where the color comes from." _Hog money dump! _ His smile is sheepish, apologetic. "It's true. We have no idea; no one in our family has ever had them." The aversion he had to saying 'my eyes are blue' or any other phrasing like that wasn't lost on me. He had a secret.

I went for it, hoping I didn't get some horrible reaction out of him for being this rude. "Your not-"

"I'm an Earthbender."

"Ok." My eyes landed on my plate quickly and I took a nervous sip of tea.

Admonished, he grimaced at my reaction to his tone, "I'm sorry. It's just…" An open palm was all he had to give me in apology.

"It's ok, we all have our issues." _Gods on High, don't we all have issues_.

His attempt at changing the subject sucked. "You have some unusual features yourself." Though he didn't want to broach the subject, he had to know if I was Fire Nation. I looked it and I knew that. Out there in the house was a family he was protecting, and I could understand that intimately.

_Is the word 'eyes' even part of your vocabulary?_ I wondered. "I'm a throwback. Same as you, I guess."

"I meant the …" A long hand gestured to my forearms and the scorch marks. Suddenly he flinched, like I had mentally slapped him. On his feet in a second, he spun towards his desk. "Im sorry," he said, "I have no business asking." Bending over one of his works was supposed to end the conversation.

"There was a raid on my village," I felt like sharing. He knew so much already, and yet nothing at all. Out of context, he had no idea why I had been sobbing and making promises I could never keep. For listening to me, for pulling me threw to the other side of that tunnel, I owed him an explanation.

I took a sip of my tea as he waited for the rest. It was obvious Kalo had been holding in his questions, his need to understand. "My husband wanted me to run away into the hills with him when the enemies attacked. I refused because I was very, very pregnant." Absently, my hand traveled down to my belly. The sudden loss of that life is probably why I kept seeing her ghost.

"Then my husband was killed and when they told me, I lost the child. I was getting ready to run away when the lines were broken and the enemy was all over the place. I had to fight to live, so I did." Flashes of memory were coming back to me but I didn't want to see them, or feel the mental anguish. I blinked them away and continued, "I got these fighting a Fire Bender." I carefully brushed the scorches that ran from wrist to elbow on one arm, "And the one who killed my man is looking for me." The details I left out seemed so unimportant at that moment.

I didn't need to say anything else, the rest fell into place.

Kalo was quiet for several moments. "How long have you been away from home?"

"Three years. But there isn't a home anymore. It burned and I've never heard that it was rebuilt. I did hear that everyone was rounded up. Non-benders were executed." Swallowing hard, a deep shutter overtook me when I added, "The benders- they cut their hands off and sent them back to their-"

Kalo shuttered, hard. A bender with no hands couldn't bend. Not being able to bend… he knew what that was like. Equivalent to having someone cut your genitalia off. Sure you could live, maybe even function some, but you'd never be the same. You'd spend the rest of your life mourning what you had lost.

"That's... insane!"

"That's fear propaganda. Like my marks here," I gestured my arms again, "It's not enough to just scare your victim with your bending, no, you take it to the next level when you take away their ability to bend."

"Feet…?" Earth Benders used their feet for a good 70% of their bending. Fire Benders used them for about 30%. Air and water benders used them for maybe 8% of their moves, relying mostly on their upper body to gain force.

"If your stupid enough to agree to rejoin the army and fight in someone else's pissing contest after already losing the ability to bend with your upper body, then you deserve everything the enemy does to you." It was the deserter in me talking but I didn't care. Hear enough people's horror stories about how they let honor and pride lead them to their doom and you suddenly realize that pride and honor come form the heart and sometimes you need to think with your head if you want to survive.

Kalo was quiet, awkwardly so, suddenly fascinated with his drawing. I felt a little bad bout being so harsh, but any naivety he had about this war wouldn't do him any good. Gods forbid the War make it this far, but if by chance it did, he needed to know what to expect. Namely, if he was a bender he'd better be careful about his decisions.

"I'm Forah, by the way." My tone was diminished some. I finished eating in the quiet.

Tossing down his instruments a couple moments latter he sighed, having come to some decision, "Do you need a place to bunk for a while?"

That wasn't what I expected to hear. "I think I've taken advantage of your hospitality long enough. I want to repay you and be on my way. There's a guy looking for me?" The reminder was completely ignored.

Nervous about asking again, he dove into the proposition the same way I dove into asking if he were a Water bender earlier. "Things are looking up right now. Business is booming," he gestured to the drawings around him and I nodded attentively, "And we could use some help. Most of us work most of the day. I've been hired to do some wall art for the Ten Dai family – really rich people – so I don't have time to do the things that need to be done around here." He exhaled and took a deep breath. Bender breathing is what my older sister always called it. Wonder how she's doing… "So if you're able bodied and want a place to stay for a bit, we could use an extra pair of hands."

I started to protest but he cut me off, "Were too far away from the Fire Nation. The guy looking for you will never find you here. People also know how to keep their mouth shut: your not the first political refugee threw these parts. We even had some people we were pretty sure were Air Nomads a few years ago. You know how much the Fire Lord is paying for the location of one of their kind and they were never turned in."

Yeah, I knew. The Fire Lord would make you wealthy as a Prince if you sold him the location of an Air Nomad or any of their decedents. Gray eyes alone were enough get you killed. When the war began it was enough for them to go to ground, not display their tattoos. Then they quit even getting tattooed. It's been two or three generations since the war started and the price for Air Nomads keeps going up the longer the Avatar stays hidden.

"You've really though this threw," I commented. He nodded. It was a nice idea, to stay here with him and his family. To have some stability back after years on the run was too tempting. The devils take me, the idea of a long-term home was more than I could stand. "You know how much trouble you'll get in if they find out your harboring me?"

Asking the question didn't mean he wasn't still asking for me to stay, "Exactly what kind of price is on your head?"

"Heck if I know, I just know it's prolly good sized or the ratsnake bastard wouldn't have chased me this far into the Earth Kingdom."

Sly smile, "So is that a yes?" There was too much hope in that question. "We've been discussing it and it was Chen La who really brought it up –that's my girlfriend who's sick of doing the work herself when she's suppose to be her for social visits- and the idea took root pretty fast."  
The prospect of having a home again was inviting, more so than Kalo could imagine. I was such a sucker for a pretty man asking me to stick around; it's how I wound up getting married in the first place… not that I hadn't had a part in shaping that decision so long ago.

"Yes, I'll stay." Kalo whooped out a hurrah a little louder than necessary. Gainful employment was also a leading factor in wanting to stay. Somewhere I could do an honest day's work and not be fired for clocking some butch dyke who just grabbed my chest_. I don't swing that way, and thanks for getting me fired…_ "I owe your family anyway, for taking me in. I need to repay my debt." _Nothing personal…_


	5. Hen Pecked

First:

I don't know Avatar: TLA.

If I did, Book 4: Air would involve Aang's search for the rest of the Airbenders and rebuilding the world after the War.

Second:

I own my OC and they have my name stamped across their butts, with a little heart beside it that says "forever yours".

Third:

"Just a pose, just a phrase,

The rhythm takes me over.

In a haze, in a daze,

Wish that I were sober…"

Homicidal Muse, by Krista Hunter

Chapter 4: 

It was Anti again, trying her best to get me to stay in the house proper with the rest of them. I had been working on their small estate for almost two weeks and during that time I had made one observation: either the people of the Omashu territory are lazy or I'm just a workaholic.

"Forah, you really don't have to sleep in the barn. There is a perfectly viable bed-"

"And it belongs to Kalo. I'm perfectly fine sleeping in the barn. It's not so cold in there." Nothing was really cold to me if I didn't want it to be; there was a fire pit in the barn and I had more than enough wood from the miles of forest that surrounded this scandalous town.

Anti huffed, spun on her heals in mock anger and left the storehouse. Her long black hair was pinned up with silk flowers that fluttered as she went. No doubt she was off to get her husband who would no doubt give me another blistering lecture on how much work a woman should do during a day.

Keeping busy kept my mind off other things. Like the ghosts of my past, my daughter among them. She had friends I couldn't see, following me around form place to place threw the days. I don't know who dressed her, but each day it was different. Growing taller as the years wore on, she was doing a sort of wobbly walk now. Sometimes there was a stuffed animal or some charm she played with. More often though she played with someone I couldn't see, staying out of the way, but gurgling happily if I smiled at one of her antics.

Never, however, did I acknowledge her when anyone was looking. Getting thrown into an loony bin for seeing ghosts wasn't high on my priorities. Thinks like hot sauce, socks and the weather were favorite topics to concentrate on. These thoughts kept other thoughts away.

The days were getting shorter and shorter and colder and colder. It was the middle of fall already, the leaves on the trees turned and dropped. The air was chill and crisp and burned my lungs when I breathed too deep for too long. I had good lungs though and so very much enjoyed breathing deeply as I worked.

_Great… _I could hear him coming even before he got to me. _Gods on High… she didn't send her husband, she sent Kalo._

Before he was even around the corner I called out in an old crone voice, "Turn back while ye still may, stranger. The forest seeks sacrifice and ye be a good one fer the Cliff!" The Cliff was local folklore about how this section of the Earth Kingdom, before it was all part of Omashu's territory, used to throw pretty men and women off the cliffs to appease the gods. Old wives tales, you know?

"Well then, fair damsel, I go willingly if ye be the one to do the honors." He wore formal attire today, getting ready to carry his reams of sketches to the Lady and Lord Ten Dai for approval.

"I have a problem with that." A woman's voice cut in. Chen La rounded the corner as well, a playful smirk revealed her insincerity. She was slightly taller than me, with brown hair and green eyes. Her skin was fair, however. Though she hailed from Omashu I was deadly curious to know how Fire Nation blood made it's way into the hearth of _that_ city, but knew better than to ask.

_That damnable woman,_ I cursed Anti. She didn't sent Kalo, but his girlfriend instead. The hens were about to start pecking at each other and Kalo had only come along to watch.

"Forah, there are more than enough hands to do this work. You don't need to do it all yourself. Quite frankly I can't see how you keep yourself going day in and day out."

"May have something to do with the fact that she eats more food than PawPaw and me combined-" The grain hit Kalo over the head before he had time to duck, raining down his shoulders and stuck in the pleats of his green half-robe. Instantly half a dozen koala-chickens leapt from the roof to dispose of the mess. I tried not to laugh too much watching a man shake off a dozen grasping hands.

Chen La managed not to crack too big a grin herself. "Kalo, you go do whatever it is you have to finish up before we leave and I'll help Forah finish whatever it is she's doing."

Dejected at not getting to see us henpeck each other, he skulked back to the house. Half a dozen feathery marsupials fallowed, catching at the last bits of grain.

When he was gone Chen La turned back to me, "Forah, we really appreciate everything you do around here, but you don't have to act like just a maid or hired help." Her sea green dress matched the one Kalo was wearing which meant she planned to go with him for the presentation. Kalo's family crest was also embroidered on the back in blue thread. Middle class families purchased family crests if they could afford it, though very few could.

"I am hired help." My own dress was livery in the family's colors. A short tunic robe worn over a longer dress was belted in the middle. The tunic was dark green while the dress was of a lighter shade. The sash was brown and had the family crest embroidered on the ends. They had supplied me with these to work in when I agreed to stay.

Chen La crossed her arms and cocked her head. Most Earth Kingdom women were stubborn; it comes from dealing with Earth Kingdom men. "Your practically family! And here you are sleeping in the barn. _The barn? _What would you mother say if she knew you shared quarters with hog monkeys and elephant cows?"

Inwardly I flinched. They knew I didn't like to talk about myself. It was very dangerous to let them know too much. Much as I enjoyed the company I knew some day it would have to end. The distance was to help avoid a tearful goodbye. Or none at all if I stuck to my usual parting.

When I refused to answer, and kept measuring the grain out, she boldly walked up to me and took the scoop away. Somewhere on the roof the rest of the koala chickens were getting ready to dive again, "There are people out there that treated you badly… but it's not us. You can sleep in the house. You can eat at the table," Her voice was sickeningly pleading, "You can make dinner requests, for crying out loud! You don't have to call PawPaw 'Sir' all the time!"

Bless her heart, she really just didn't understand. It wasn't the family's fault they only had a few facts to go buy and felt the need to make everything better. Being a couple years younger than me, and a lower class Earth Bender from Omashu, she had never seen the War… she just couldn't understand the toll. War creates wounds and at the same time destroys your ability to heal them.

"I'm sorry, I know your just trying to be nice. But I can't do what you ask. It's just… too much." I offered my open hand in apology. _ Please don't hate me. If you only knew how much I want what you offer…_

Chen La looked at me in sadness and rejection for a moment before shaking it off. Her eyes spoke what she didn't: try again later. The subject slid away, but it would come up again. Of that we both knew.

"Well." That was all she said as she tossed the scoop back to me. The silence grew and I looked at her eventually. She was smiling; standing there looking exactly like a young woman did when she had mischief on her mind.

My endeavor to keep quiet till she spoke fell threw eventually, "What?"

"Where do you go after you get done with your work?"

_Ah shit. _"Um, just into the woods to gather wood for the fire, you know?"

"I know." She didn't. The remark was purposefully annoying for whenever I turned my sentences into questions.

I straitened up, fidgeted with my belt some, "Nothing too exciting." I resisted adding 'you know' to my statement. It was a nervous habit that made me seem more uneducated that I preferred.

"But you're gone for hours. I mean hours – at least until we've run the dinner bell twice."

"I told Ms. Seru more than once that yall could start eating without me." _Yay for adopted vocabulary!_

"And I've told you at least twice, not counting what everyone else has told you, that the entire family eats together."

"Im hired help!" _– and I have my own family out there somewhere that I can't even contact to let them know I'm alive._ They probably think I was executed, or worse, during the destruction of my village. No doubt they were sent word of what happen to my husband and that their long awaited grandchild was miscarried at the last minute.

"Work with me Forah. Please?"

What I didn't want was for my forest sanctuary to become public knowledge. Keeping my hideaway as secret wouldn't be possible if she tagged along, ruining the only time I really had to meditate and… be myself. To be that person I was years ago as a married woman with my own life.

Sighing in resignation, I capitulated, "Fine. I'll show up on time tonight." There was a slight smile on my lips despite my flustered attitude.

"Yeah, about that…" Chen La looked at the ground and twirled the toe of her decorated shoe into the dust. I winced, knowing it was going be a bitch to get the dust out of the beadwork. The little girl peaked out of Chen La more often than not, but the girl was defiantly becoming a woman.

"About what…?" I prompted.

"We're not having dinner here tonight. Were eating at the Ten Dai estates."

The way she kept saying 'we' gave me sinking feelings in my legs and stomach. Surely she didn't mean…

"PawPaw says you _have_ to come."

My mouth fell open, "Absolutely _not_." No way on Earth was I going to dress up and prance around at the personal residence of Earth Kingdom nobility! Not with a crazy General on the lose and looking for me! Was she out of her mind? Were they all?

Chen La became flustered, which said something considering how grounded she was normally. "PawPaw said-"

"I really have a lot of work to do," I was done measuring the grain and sealed the barrel, "I cant imagine how I'll be able to get everything done and have time to make nice with-"

"The family wants to make a good impression. We want them to think that you're not just some faceless hired hand who does the work of two people every single day, doesn't have a place at the table and sleeps in the _barn_."

Blackmail bully. I knew it when I saw it for how many men had I bullied into giving more than a fair tip or buying more food than they could really afford? Too many. The Gods were smiting me for my bad karma.

"I eat enough to put you out of house and home if you weren't so well off, I do work equal to the wage I get –which is to say _good_- and I'm not related or about to become related-"

"Owww-" she fumed now, "You're coming along and that's that!" It wasn't just Chan La, the boss' girlfriend talking; it was Seru Chan La, the boss' future wife who gave an order. Be it as it was a stupid attempt to integrate me into the family, but when hens peck sometimes they forget to peck nicely. She was one of those women who sometimes lost sight of the why and insisted on the how.

"Yes, Ma'am…"

"Don't call me ma'am, I'll Bend you butt off!"

I scoffed. Chan La was a paltry Earth Bender at best. Her power over the elements was so weak she didn't even try to hide it. She could make a doorstop, without using her foot to help, but that was the limit.

"Granted," She took me by the sleeve of my robe and turned me halfway around, "You don't have much of a butt-" I blushed and batted at her as she felt into fits of giggles and danced away. "You got like… an hour to get dressed so come up to the house when you're ready." The mischievous grin I knew so well was playing across her face.

My stomach was rolling just a bit, a feeling that would get worse as the evening wore on. I honestly didn't know what I was going to do about this.

Being Warblood had its drawbacks; mainly that when I get nervous my body temperature rises and I start to Rage. They call it that, but it's really just my instincts, my gut, taking over and telling me what to do. It links me directly to my Astral Self, the same self I try to reach in meditation, and linked with all my past lives. Since I'm not the Avatar, able to open enough to comprehend this, all I get filtered down into my conscious mind is instinct. And usually it tells me to run.

Chen La left after I gave her some half-hearted reassurance that I'd be there in a bit. But as soon as she was around the corner and up the path towards the house… I took off up the path towards the woods. Every day I go into the woods and meditate, trying to understand and connect to my Higher Self. Each day I feel I get closer… but it's a very long road and each day only brings me one single step closer.

The Ten Dai were like my past, warm and glittering, holding rich promise. Though who I had been was dead and buried these three years past, who I am now wondered for a moment if by some chance I dressed up and put on a smile, would I find her again at dinner? Would she climb out of her grave and make acquaintance? Would she smile and tell a joke? Would she show up at all or leave me, this shell she used to live in, there to grasp at what she would have said or done in that situation?

Was there a way to resurrect a part of the self that was dead? Being this alone, submerged in regret and memory and cut off from the rest of the world by the wall of painful past was lonely. Years I've been a solitude person, which is what they call loneliness to give it glory. Pretending I chose loneliness had gotten me this far and I damned sure wasn't ready to give hat illusion up yet. Not for the slim chance that everything wouldn't be ripped away from me again.

The Seru family will be mad at me and very upset, perhaps even put me out. But at least I wont have to go play nice with nobility. And at least I won't have been wrong not to get too close to begin with.


	6. The Harvest

A/N:

I don't own Avatar: TLA

If I did, Sakka would turn out to be a fire bender. Yep. A very BAD fire bender who never told anyone about his Bending because his mother was killed by Fire Nation and he feels guilty.

Second:

I own all mah toons, which all signed a death pact together swearing to end themselves if I ever try to give them away.

Third:

"What gets you in the mood to write a bloody fight scene?

Diving backward in your mind threw frozen memories…

What gets you in the mood to take a man's life?

Knowing that he lives or dies by the words that I write…"

Chapter 5:

I really though they would be mad at me but… they weren't. When I arrived at the house the next morning they just acted like nothing was wrong. It was the most awkward situation I had been in since my childhood. My mother always used to act like nothing was wrong until she got me alone… then WHAP!

When no punishment or stern lecture was forthcoming, I got worried. The days that followed were business as usual: Wake up, do chores till noon, eat lunch, meditate in the woods, then come back for more chores and dinner. Since I didn't sleep in the house, I was able to work later into the evening and not wake everyone up.

About a week of this routine and Kalo finally broke the silence. We were alone in the barn, stacking the hay harvest for the winter. "Would you mind helping me load materials latter?"

"Yeah." Hay stacking wasn't hard, it just didn't agree with your back. Well, mine at least. Kalo looked right at home- even in his semi-formal work attire.

The laundry lady in me was cringing as I watched him do this kind of work in those kinds of clothes. "Your not planning to wear that back to the estate, now are you?"

His guilty look became shy, "Well yeah…"

I signed, tossing up another bale. "You should be taking a breather. I see how exhausted you are coming back here," I wouldn't say 'home' because this wasn't mine, "so why are you doing my work before you even go?"

"Quite frankly, you look lonely spending all day by yourself. Though you might like some company." _And I get to get out of the house and away from crazy people for a bit,_ was the unspoken addendum. Working for rich people paid well but the mental strain of constant critique and the oftentimes fifteen hour days took a toll on Kalo. Good of a bender as he was, and fall being when Earth Bender's powers were growing, working non-stop for weeks on end was just part of life. Especially for a middle class family breaking threw to the upper crust.

His observation irked me, "I'm fine, thank you." I was lying to him and to myself; I wanted noting more than to throw down the walls and form bonds with these people but it wasn't happening.

"Bull puck you are-"  
"Language! If Chen La caught you talking like PawPaw…" _That's right; divert the conversation away from yourself, good girl!_

"You mean talking like _you?" _

I blushed and tried to hide it by turning away. My hair was pulled back in the twisting knots Anti favored so there wasn't hiding much. _Not to self, don't bathe with Anti again – lacy braidwork doesn't look as good on you as it does on her. _"I do not talk like that!"

Kalo threw a hand full of hay at me, most of it landing in my hair, "The heck you don't." Picking on my poor choice of hairdresser had been his favorite past time the last three days. Not that Anti did a bad job; just that it was more elaborate that the help should be wearing. I picked hay out of my braids.

He flopped down on the stack of hay, putting himself in my way as much as possible, "How did you wear your hair at home?"

"Up." I continued stacking the hay, first on his legs and then almost dropping one on his face before he moved. "You're a guy, what do you care about hair?" Like most men of his stature, he was starting to grow his hair out. It was a sign of their impending move to Upper Class.

Kalo would have to quit hanging out in the barn with the maid if his work made them as rich as I knew it was going to.

"Maybe you can give me some tips…?"

An almost feral look took over my features, "And maybe Chen La will bend me off the Cliff if I touch her precious 'Booboo's' head."

Kalo blushed from head to foot and ducked behind the hay till he could think of a good response. "You know, when you get that look in your eye, I'm reminded of the dragon that showed up at the Avatar Day festival when I was a kid."

"Oh, so you met my great great great grandmother?" Claiming decent from a dragon was a little pretentious, I know. The entire family and me had taken to joking about my mixed ancestry. Chen La's fair complexion and Kalo's blue eyes were fair game as well.

Kalo popped back up, intending to say something, and almost got whapped with hay. I pulled it back just in time, lost my balance and went over backward. He was almost howling as I fought myself away from the two elephant cows I landed between. Both had gone for hay I missed in my hair.

"Bad _Hayman!_ No food for you!" I patted the long trunk of one of the cows. Her huge ears flapped at me. She wasn't a happy camper, having gone two days without food and shackled to the wall where she can't reach the fencing to bust it down.

Kalo covered his face with his palm and grunted, "You gave them names?" He was sitting on the highest tower of bales now, making no attempt to help.

I scoffed, "Of course." I wanted to tell him how it was a family tradition and a point of honor, but it would only end up badly when I refused to say anymore.

"She's steak tomorrow…" He gestured to both the cows, which were being prepared for slaughter.

"I'm aware."

Before he came back with a snappy remark, Anti flounced into the barn looking happy as a woman on her wedding day, "Kalo!" I pointed up to where he was perched, "Kalo! The Ten Dai family want us for dinner again tonight!"

I made no effort to hide my fleeing as I left the barn. Anti called after me, but I kept going. Never, not ever, would I be seen dining with the Ten Dai. That was just asking for trouble. So, so much trouble.

The next day started a weeklong push to get food and meat into storage for winter. The entire family took a day off to get the operation started. PawPaw, the paternal head of the family oversaw the butchering of stock that wasn't going to be wintered over. Anti, his eldest daughter, put herself in charge of the storing the harvest. Yoma, PawPaw's second wife after Kalo and Anti's mother passed away a few years ago, was deep cleaning and culling the household goods. Tanora, PawPaw's youngest daughter was organizing for the Fall Festival. Anti's husband had gone to the capital a few days before to receive further officer training in the Omashu's vast army.

The butchery was where the most help was needed at first. When Heyman went down, the other animals freaked. It was funny-sad watching them all trying to stampede in a small space. More than two-dozen farm animals had been brought to the Seru's chophouse from around the village.

For a price, PawPaw Seru butchered your animal and had it back to you by sundown. In addition to the price of the animal, PawPaw kept what wasn't meat and sold it on the side. Offal became sausage casing and hooves became jewelry. PawPaw's butchery had been in the family for four generations and what had kept the family in comfort. That is, until Kalo turned out to be a Bender and one with an artistic flare at that.

"Forah, need you go to get me some better rope, this stuff old- isn't going to hold." It was PawPaw sending me to town. I bleached a little at the prospect, but the days were very cold now, winter almost near, so I figured I could get away with keeping the hood of my cloak up. Kalo stopped me on the way out the door; hand on my shoulder, offering to go to town instead. I smiled at him, thankful that he had understood my hesitation.

"Fine, then, get over here, girl and get me a pulley while you're at it!" PawPaw was a sturdy man, set in stone. His voice was harsh but he loved everything that moved. I had taken a liking to him the moment I laid yes on him; he reminded me so much of my mother's brother, who had lived with us when I was little.

I knew what he meant even if he realized what he said didn't make much sense. We shared a laugh as I pulled up the hood of my new cloak and headed to the storehouse to find the extra pullies. And possibly some rope, because I was sure we had more. If I could find it soon enough, it would save Kalo a trip to town.

Even though I resisted with all my might, the family kept managing to get me into town. We lived right outside the village proper, so the walk or ride wasn't far. On one such trip, the girl inside me had fluttered and gasped at the beauty of a forest green cloak with a lined hood.

When I had looked in my bag to see how much money I had, Anti and Tanora had both snatched up the cloak and flung it up on the counter. It was a gorgeous cloak, I wasn't about to let them take it without a fight!

Anti gave me a scathing look that would stop a hippomule in its tracks, "Don't you even. We got this." Miffed at having this find taken away from me, I tried to stay calm and turned my gaze to another display. Less than a minute latter PawPaw was settling the cloak around my shoulders. Anti and Tanora were grinning from ear to eat.

Speachless…

Despite myself, I was fond of them. They were good people and only a little bit evil.

Elbow deep in a box of all sorts of familiar farming and homesteading devices, I heard someone enter the barn. There were farm hands all over the place; hired help for storing the harvests and people who worked on the Seru's farm. At least a dozen men and one woman who worked full time were running about all over the place.

PawPaw insists meat tastes better when a woman has raised it. I didn't want to think too much into that theory; it makes me shutter just to hear it.

A hole driller slid down my arm and landed on my hand the same time someone started moving up behind me. It was reflex really; the other helpers and I had been having fun all day. Before he had time to grab me I spun away from the box, coming away with the hand scythe I had been sent to find. My smiled playful as I dodged out of the storeroom and waited for him outside the door. He was a hired hand who had been smirk-smiling at me all day.

What was some harmless flirting during a busy workday?

Once outside, I saw another man coming so I motioned for him to be quiet. The look on his face was priceless when his friend came out, turned the wrong direction and then jumped three feet away when I barked out a "WHOOF!" and swung the scythe down. He turned red with embarrassment

And like most Bad Boys, Mr. Macho tried to play it off. "What are you gonna do with that, trim your nails?" He and his friend were dressed the same, prolly from the same family in dark greens and browns of the lower class.

I laughed… because I had used it to trim my nails- but it was just that one time! "How bout I trim yours? Or are you one of those men with grilla sloth toenails?"

He started toward me again, intent on divesting me of the instrument, while his friend jeered him on, "You got some pretty rank nails, Soan. Maybe you _should_ let her take a whack at em!" The word 'whack' had been punctuated with a mime of him fending off someone who swung invisible weapons at his feet.

Distracted, I let Soan get too close. When he tried to grope me, I dodged neatly. My repertoire had 'grope-dodging' added to it a loooong time ago. His friend stopped laughing and called out suddenly. Turning to look-

A very strong man landed on my back, knocking me into the wall of the storehouse and sending my heart into panic. He moved faster than I though possible and jerked my feet off the ground, planting me firmly on my side against the barn. My blood sang, nerves zinging. The rough wood of the wall snagged at my hair, today put up in a simple braided ponytail with orange silk flowers borrowed from Anti.

"What-" Soan's friend shut up when he was threatened into silence.

Soan was sitting on me, one hand on my mouth, the other holding the blade of the scythe to my throat. My stomach dropped down and then came rushing back up as a flood of adrenaline hit me. My body temperature was rising before it occurred to me to try to stay calm.

In five seconds flat, I went from playful to Raging.

Reality blurred slightly, I began swimming backward in my own mind. Whatever was happening outside remained outside; inside me an inferno of fury was fighting to be unleashed. It was all I could do to stay still and not accidentally cut my own throat. If I reached the point of no return I'd turn fully Warblood and there would be nothing to stop me from adding another mark on my soul.

Sharper senses picked up movement where there shouldn't be. The fool was undoing the front of my robe with one hand while the other was over my mouth. It was then I realized what was really going on; this guy wasn't just mad because I wouldn't let him grope me, he was pissed that I had rejected him in front of an audience.

_Oh, Hell no! I've been threw some crap in my life, but this isn't about to be added to the list!_

Soan mistook my stillness for compliance… the idiot. His friend, looking like a rabbit in the spotlight, didn't know what to do until he was told to keep a look out. "Make sure no one is coming while I deal with this bitch."

_Ew- BREATH!_ I don't think I ever smelled air so foul and that was saying something. "Your breath really stinks." Even under his hand, he understood me.

His eyes grew wide and next thing I know my hands are over my face blocking the beating. It wasn't enough to stop fists from pummeling me from every direction. It seemed like he had five sets of knuckles finding every exposed rib and when he stood up, here came sharp feet taking care of what arms alone couldn't reach.

Blood smells interesting when your senses are heightened. I stayed in the dirt, paralyzed with fear. Not of him- no, never of this little boy- but of what I would do if I moved. If I flinched, if I lashed out, if I didn't stay down – if I came up swinging- he was going to die. The day started out so beautiful, but that wasn't on my mind. I didn't want to create another tragedy. Enough people were dying in the War, did we really need to do this to ourselves?

I screamed, like the night I died in the village. I screamed and screamed and screamed.


	7. Jungle Justice

First:

I don't own Avatar. If I did, Aang wouldn't be trying to hook up when he's … only…. 12.

Second:

I've pretty much written out Anti's Husband. He doesn't even get a name XD. From here on out he's probably going to just 'stay at army camp'. His sole purpose now is to stop people from chasing Anti's skirts by giving her the occupation of 'married'.

Third:

"Let him who does wrong continue to do wrong; let him who is vile continue to be vile; let him who does right continue to do right; and let him who is holy continue to be holy..."

"But for the cowardly, unbelieving, sinners, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their part is in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur…" Revelations 21:8

Chapter 6

All of the hired hands had been polite; most of them found discreet times and places to ask about me. The family told them what little they know and the word spread.

But sometimes someone with darkness in their heart is just looking for an excuse to lash out.

I was screaming till someone put their arms around me and I smelled chlorophyll. Anti had heard me all the way in the house from the other side of the property. "Girl, the lungs on you," was the only thing I understood in all the commotion.

PawPaw's booming voice made me shake down to my toes- or maybe it was the adrenaline and my stomach warring with each other. Anti had to get me to my feet so I could be led away. She was petting me, pushing my hair out of my face and brushing at dirt. Tanora was there, taking my hand and reaching up to dab the tears off my face with her little embroidered handkerchief.

They led me back to the house where Yama was waiting. The medical chest was open and everything was already laid out. "It's not serious; one of the hands got rough," Anti said, holding in most of her anger when Yama rushed forward at the sight of the blood.

Yama was handsome and only a few years older than Anti, but she was an eldest of seven brothers. That kind of upbringing tempered her into one heck of a woman. "Sit down here, child, tell me where it hurts." She didn't ask for details, thinking the negativity would impede her healing.

Threw my tears I managed to get out, "Everywhere." I was sure I had a broken bone somewhere, or at least a fracture. My whole body was alive with sensations, and none of them were pleasant. The painful throbbing all over matched the tempo of my heart.

"Strip."

Swallowing hard, I didn't argue. When Yama went into healer mode, there was no arguing with her. Difficult patients got 'help' getting undressed. Anti and Tanara took my cloak and untied my robe, gasping when they noticed that my arms weren't the only places on my body that was marked by fire.

Across one shoulder and down one leg were matching scorch marks. Ask me how they got there and I'll tell you truth… I have no idea. Only the ones on my arms have memory for me.

Yama bathed me and dressed my wounds. They were shallow and superficial, but the bruises that showed up were going to hurt – allot. My hips, ribs and back had taken quiet a beating. My arms had shielded my face, though there was a knot on my head where I had hit the ground. Yama spread an ointment over them to speed the healing. It smelled like a forest in the raid, so I inhaled deeply.

Tanara put a cup of tea in my hands, it smelled sweet like honey. Anti laid out a new robe for me, one from her own wardrobe. She smiled and said she looked for my clothes in the barn but couldn't find them. "It's ok," I replied, "I only have two sets of clothing and the other is in need of a good scrub." She had no idea how good I was at hiding what I didn't need her finding…

When I was bandaged and dressed they sat me at the table. I felt a bit weird wearing Anti's fine silk, with the crest of a family that wasn't mine emblazoned across the back.

The quiet was intense, punctuated only by the sound of someone sipping tea. Finally I had to ask, "How bad is it?" I wasn't talking about my bruises or my bumps… but about my hair. The weight I was so accustomed too wasn't there. Sometime during the fight, Soan had taken the scythe and made a cut at me. To avoid it, I rolled. He grabbed me to haul me back and I turned- and felt to the ground. The scythe missed me neck and cut my hair.

Anti cleared her throat, "I can work with it."

"How bad? Please just tell me"

Tanora looked from Yama, to me and then Anti. She sighed and waved her hand around her throat like saying 'off with his head'. For a moment I though that meant exactly that; then I realized she was saying… "About this long. If you want it all one length."

My stomach sank and I lay my head on the table. I look like a man! What kind of woman has hair that short? Besides the he-she's that play in the bars up in Quillipas… My husband had always loved my hair. He used to say it's what he first noticed about me. Ten dozen other ladies in that room but he saw me, from behind, and chosen to talk to me. Very few women had short hair because how one wore their hair was a symbol of status. Cutting it all off was a symbol of society rebellion and frowned upon where I came from.

Cutting off someone's braid was a very gravies sin anywhere in the world, and an ultimate show of disrespect.

Anti smiled, "I can make it look cute, don't worry!" My skeptical brow-arching made her laugh.

Yama spoke suddenly, "What caused this?" She gave Anti permission to get the scissors and go to work on my ruined locks.

"One of the hands tried to grope me and I wouldn't let him. His friend saw, he got embarrassed and jumped me." A bit later I added, "He cut my hair with the scythe. I should have brought it back…"

Yama's cup thumped on the table, a stern look on her face, "Don't you fish for sympathy with me, child, I'm upset you let him get a jump on you. One f the girls can get it," Tanora took off like a bug in a birdhouse and was out the door in a split second, "You hang out with ruffians for three years and none of them took you out to Haystacks High and gave you a proper education?"

Anti looked passively confused. It wasn't proper for a girl of her standing to understand the term, but she very well did. No doubt Kalo had taught her and Tanara how to use heel, nail and kneeing in a fight.

"I have an older brother-"

"And if I ever meet him I'm going to smack him stupid! It's a brother's job to teach his sister's to handle herself if a man gets rough with her!"

The pattern of wood on the table was fascinating! "I didn't want to hurt him," Came my soft reply and then the inevitable fidgeting. But MOM… Anti sat down behind me with her freshly sharpened shears, a comb and a wet rag; she began to work her magic.

Yama scowled, "With what? Strangle him with your braid? Or scream him to death?"

"I know how to fight," I claimed with exacerbation, "I just… didn't." Best way I could put it really… Fool is lucky I'm good at holding back. I sat up strait so Anti didn't cut my hair crooked.

"Forah, I know you got a lot of weighing on you," Yama reached across the table and put her hand on mine, "But if you let whatever you've done in the past in the name of survival stop you from doing what you must in the present then you've lost. You've lost before the enemy even knows your going to be their victim."

Anti chimed in, making the first snips, "Yama nearly killed a man a few years ago. He tried to snatch Tanara when they were going for a walk. It was right after mom passed away. He just jumped out of the trees, grabbed her and tried to run off."

Call me terrible, but I couldn't see why. Tanora was average. Green eyes and the same brown hair the whole family had, minus Yama and her light brown curls. Nothing exceptional about her so why would some guy pick her to kidnap?

But even as I though it I though of my little girl. Her ghost had disappeared when the man jumped me, and not come back yet. I was greatful that even as a ghost she didn't see her mother this way. I sickened me to know I was about to be told that being pretty isn't the only thing men snatch girls for. Not even the average and ugly are safe…

Reaching the questions in my looks, Yama told me something very disturbing that I never wanted to admit could exist in the world, "The Fire Lord likes green eyes. And younger girls are easier to control." My heart beat painfully for a second. Our children shouldn't have to live in such a world…

Yama went on, "I nearly killed that man and the only thing that stopped me from doing it was that Tanara was watching. I couldn't let her see me take a life on her behalf. Especially since she was too young at that point to be told why we were attacked. She knows now though. And she wishes I would have done it."

"I agree." I said. Somewhere behind me, Anti was moving around, getting views of my head, wiping the strands with the rag to make them stiff and snipping here and there between combs.

"PawPaw's going to want to know what you want done about this, dear." Anti said. Just a few years older than me, she was obviously picking up some of what Yama was laying down.

"Chop it off." It was a stray though about my hair but it applied to what I wanted to happen to Soan. "Where I grew up," I said carefully, "if a man misused his weapon then they took it away from him."

Yama slowly lowered her cup to the table, face unreadable, some hidden message passing back and forth between her and her stepdaughter. In a moment the snipping that had been tugging at my hair continued.

Tanora came running into the house a few minutes latter. Anti has just finished my hair and nearly ran her younger sister threw with her shears. "Good heavens child, you want to wind up skewered!"

Tanara bobbed an apology and turned to me, "You better go get him, he's gonna kill that man!" She threw a thumb over her shoulder towards the storehouse.

I stood up, feeling awkward again in the family's signature clothing, "What do you mean? PawPaw's going to-"

"No!" Tanara was scared, "Kalo!" Tears were spilling form her eyes. She was fifteen, but nothing can prepare you for seeing what a pissed off Earth Bender is capable of.

Bad of me, I hesitated for a second, giving just that much time to consider letting Kalo do it.

"Where is PawPaw?" … and why isn't he breaking up the fight, was the unspoken part. Yama asked, moving quickly to the door. She was slim and quick on her bare feet.

Tanara gave her a cockeyed look for one full second, "Really? Soan tried to-"

Anti clamped her hand over her younger sister's mouth and pushed her towards the door. I fallowed, fast as my stiffening legs would allow me to move.

The commotion could be heard clear to the house, which was some distance away. Men were yelling and a woman was screaming. You'd think it was a spectator sport though and not a non-bender outmatched in a fight with a bender.

Someone notice us and got quiet. Then two people got quiet. Then half a dozen. Soon everyone had turned around and was staring at us, at me. Right then I felt a fool. My hair, a woman's symbol of pride, was gone and I was wearing my employers clothing. If not for the pressing matter at hand, I would have stayed in the house.

It wasn't just me they were looking at, though; it was the fact that the whole Seru family was in attendance now.

The crowd was around a makeshift arena. The dirt and rock was leveled upward, sure sign that it had been Bent that way. I couldn't see what was in the middle from a distance. I could hear rocks move though; I knew what Earth Benders sounded like even if I hadn't seen this level of Bending in three years.

We went forward into the crowd, which parted for us. Yama led the way up to the arena 'door'. Over the short wall I could see pillars of Earth, black and rich. Dirt didn't need to be hard for Earth Benders to manipulate it; as long as they concentrated, they could make even lose dirt hold a shape.

Judging by the sound, Kalo was throwing rocks at Soan. Judging by the lack of screaming, Soan was already dead. I headed into the arena, intent on finding Kalo and calming him down. Attempted rape was taken seriously since the War started. Everyone was trained to fight now so the woman who's going to be the victim usually wound up making the man her bitch. If I hadn't held back I would have Raged and that man would have been toast at my hands instead of Kalo's.

Before I got too far, PawPaw's arms were around me. He lifted me off my feet and carried me out of the arena. His face was filled with rage and set in stone, ears red and mouth forming a hard line. Roughly he set me down between his wife and his youngest daughter.

He looked around, getting everyone's attention. "Anyone here feel the need to hurt any more of my family, you can get your ass off my property right now and never come back. Anyone who feels so inclined to try anyway, you can go ahead and line up inside that." He pointed to the arena where dull thudding could still be heard, "And get mashed to pulp like Soan." PawPaw was a commanding man; the air shook when he spoke.

He pointed to Soan's brother, who was trussed up on the ground with old rope from the slaughterhouse, "Leave. Now. There's not going to be anything left to bury." Everyone shuttered and avoided each other's gaze. Two men untied him and he took off towards town. His face was red, lined in tears, and he was almost doubled over crying. It hadn't been his idea… but he hadn't done anything about it either.

"The rest of you," PawPaw's voice boomed over the land, "Janto said he though his brother could get away with it could he though Forah looks too Fire Nation and no one would care." The hands looked at me and then back to PawPaw, "The War is out there," He pointed towards the boarder, towards were my village once stood, "Not here. You take your hatred, your misinformation and your backward ass thinking and keep it to yourself.

My son has Water Tribe in him and Chen La, you all known her since she was a child, has Fire Nation in her and how many fireballs has she thrown? None! Why? Cause she's Earth Kingdom. Same as me and my son and Forah. And I'll repeat again for those of you who still think this might be some no-law-abiding backward end of the world where you can do whatever you want to a woman just for the way she looks: Keep your damned hands off my family or I'll put my hands on you. Anyone not understand?"

A dozen pair of eyes jerked back and forth between PawPaw and me, making an invisible connection I'd really wish he didn't establish before shaking their heads vigorously.

"Good, now get back to work. We got a lot to do today. Someone come get me when my son gets done sending that ratsnake bastard to Hell." PawPaw put one arm around me and another around Yama and led the family back to the house.

As we walked back to the house, PawPaw softened up. I though he would be mad at me for starting trouble. He wasn't a hard man, but someone built like him was often called on to be a threatening visual when needed.

Tanara and Anti helping helped Yama set about preparing the help's delayed lunch. One wince at bumping a bruise ruined my chance of helping them. PawPaw washed up and changed into a comfortable casual robe. He had me sit at the table beside him, in the seat reserved for the oldest, and examined my visible injuries between two fingers.

"He worked you over good, didn't he?" He ruffled my hair. The shortness was new to me. It felt strange; I wasn't used to it moving when the wind blew, being in my face or protecting my ears and neck from the cold.

I tried to play the question off, "Superficial. Nothing bad. Some cuts-"

"Deep bruises," Yama called out of the large kitchen, "one strained rib and don't let her carry anything that weights more than a teacup until you can slap her hip and she doesn't wince."

Thanks Mom. I just got beat up and your remedy to see if I'm better yet is to slap me around a little, X5 for everyone in the house.

Blushing wasn't something I did often, but the though of being stuck in the house and waited on was sort of new to me. Sort of… my husband had gone ga-ga over my belly. He had insisted on bed rest from the fourth month and ignored my attempts to make dinner or fold laundry. He always just kept saying, "The first pregnancy is the hardest-that's what my mom always aid- so take it easy!" Like folding laundry would make me miscarry or something, yeah right. But I had to bless the parents who raised such a loving son. You would have made a great father, my man…

"I'm not a child, I can work round-" Tanara cut me off by turning around and making the 'shut up- shut up! SHUTUP!' hand gestures.

I shut up. My daughter was sitting by the door studying my shoulder length bob before grinning and settling down to some invisible toys.

After dinner was finished, a meal I was used to serving and not being served to, I snuck out of the house and into the woods. It was dark and the moon shown full. Which was ok, the light was more than I needed. In the dark of night and far away from anyone I could hurt…

…I released all the Rage I had been holding in.


	8. Homemaker Indeed

~*~ Author's Notes ~*~

Sorry for the fluctuating length of the chapters up to this point. I'm working on just getting this written first, then going back and fixing any errors second. Feel free to leave a note on any mistakes so I can compile them for the eventual rewrite and re-upload.

"Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets."

~*~ Chapter 7 ~*~

Winter sucked. It just did. Kalo and the rest of the family were in their element it seemed, but not me. Not my thin skin and bony backside. I worked too hard to keep an ounce of flab on my buns so when the snow starts falling I spend as much time indoors as humanly possible.

Chen La has noted this and taken to teasing me about it. If I shiver once, the woman is all over it poking fun at me.

"Common, Forah, just light a fire… one little fire." We're down in the basement getting vegetables for dinner. I'm holding a brightly woven basket Yama purchased at the Fall Harvest Festival for Chen La to toss vegetables into. I'm all the way across the room though, so making the vegetables hit the basket is more fun than it should have been. Near the steps, my daughter's ghost is playing with an animal I can't see. Today she wears a light red belt over a sea green toddler's robe.

Chen La wasn't aware she had used the wrong words, but I wasn't about to correct her. Since the incident two weeks ago with Soan, the taboo subject of Fire Bending kept popping up. People were trying to cope and had taken it out by making Fire Bender jokes about Chen La since she also had Fire Nation in her bloodline. She in turn took it out on Kalo and me…

Course, Kalo and I teased Chen La as much as she teased us, "Why don't you show me how; I forget." I stepped into a mock Fire Bending stance.

She gasps in mock humiliation and an ear of corn smacks me smartly in one arm. Then an idea occurs to her... She throws her arms into the air in a fighting stance and proclaims loudly, "I am Seru Chen La, Avatar of _wishful thinking_. Fear me, for I shall Bend a very hot pebble and _trip you with it_. OOOHHH the horror!"

"Chen La!" I exclaimed laughing, thrusting the basket out to catch a second ear of corn and then a third. Her aim was improving. The ghost of my daughter stood up in a wobble and tried to copy Chen La's stance. It made me smile and feel empty at the same time.

"For all anyone knows, I could be!" Chen La though I was smiling at her.

"Water Tribe, Ms. La. The next avatar will be Water Tribe and _then_ Earth Kingdom."

The younger woman got serious suddenly; "I don't think the Fire Lord will be happy till he's rid the whole planet of everyone who doesn't Bend fire." We were quiet in honor of the Air Benders for a moment before Chen La started to ramble, "And does that mean that the Avatar line will be broken, or that each generation will be a new Fire Bender Avatar? Or maybe that there will be three hundred years between Avatars and if that's the case who will teach her – or him- the other Bending styles? … and can an Avatar have children who can Bend other elements than their birth element?"

My eyebrow went up… "I think we should discuss this over dinner. I'd like to get everyone's take on it." _… Stupid cop out… _

The Avatar was a tender subject for a great many people. The ones that weren't mad that he disappeared to begin with, allowing the War to even start, were upset that he hasn't shown up as things have steadily gotten worse in the world. I sided with the former group…

The silence was palpable and Chen La wasn't wrong. Fire Lord Sozin had wiped out the Air Nomads and now the new Fire Lord Azulon was attempting to do the same for the Earth Kingdoms and Water Tribes. Very few Benders were left in the South Pole as it was and any Earth Kingdom territories under Fire Nation rule were also stripped of their Benders. The ones that weren't put to death directly were forced to use their Bending to aid the Fire Nation in some way.

Chen La and Kalo were both Earth Benders, and there was a high likely hood that their children would be Benders as well. She was afraid for them, even though they weren't born yet. When Chen La looked down at the list she had, I glanced over at my baby and wondered if she would have been a Bender and had I been selfish to try to bring a child into a world that is only getting worse…

To Chen La I said, "Seriously, they wont get this close to Omashu," A fact I knew was truth, "and I have faith in King Bumi. Some say he's the one hiding the Air Bender Avatar… they knew each other after all." Omashu was where my husband had wanted us to go. We would have been safe there.

Chen La looked skeptical but smiled anyway. She rooted around more to find the rest of the items on the list and then we headed up to the kitchen. My little girl disappeared as Chen La stepped threw her spirit. I noticed she only showed up during certain times of the day and I was learning her pattern.

In the kitchen, Yama and Anti were preparing dinner and I endeavored to get in the way as much as I could. It annoyed the other two and kept me entertained as an experiment to see how much they would put up with. So far hip bumping, foot stepping, food dropping, too much salt and haphazard knife handling were all ok. _If only I could make the fire flare up really big… Dump some oil into it?_

At some point during the meal preparations my daughter showed up again, with her imaginary friend playing quietly under a table, and I heard PawPaw calling for Kalo to come help him in the barn. It was about that time that Yama and I shared a smile, realizing that Chen La was missing too. No doubt adding another baby to the…

We kept it to ourselves as PawPaw barged into the kitchen- only to be shooed out by his wife.

"Get out of my kitchen before you scare her off. Where would your son even hid in here? The oven?" Hand to hip, hand on counter, head cocked; Yama could intimidate.

The 'her' was me, who made excuses to leave if more than three people were in the kitchen. _Too many cook make for a poor meal_, my momma always said. Though PawPaw's public display of calling me family had somewhat elevated my status among the other hired hands, I still slept in the barn, wore my uniform and served the meal instead of eating at the table. But with it so freaking cold, I allowed Yama to rope me into kitchen duty on occasion.

PawPaw huffed, rolled his yes and left muttering what I was sure was, "The girl doesn't even _like_ to cook..." under his breath.

My daughter's ghost looked up at him with big golden eyes and gurgled something too close to agreement. I silently scoffed at the idea that my own daughter thinks I cant cook. _You momma can to cook! It's just that I haven't had the ability to. _Which sounded like the half-assed excuse it was even to me.

Anti heard her father, and cooperated by adding, "Forah, you're the most anti-domestic woman I've ever seen. You don't cook, or sew robes or make jewelry-"

There are a great many Earth Kingdoms and I wasn't from the Kingdom of Omashu. But they didn't know that… Cooking and sewing what I knew how to make would give me away. If Anti though it didn't bother me a great deal not to be able to express myself in a domestic setting then she was very, very wrong.

"-I mean what on earth did you do with yourself before coming here? Did you mom not-"

"Anti!" Yama barked, making us both jump. Good thing Yama was a non-bender, otherwise Anti would be flattened against the ceiling, "Out. Sent Tanora in to help finish this up."

Anti looked confused for a second before realizing what she had said and then panicked, "I'm so sorry, Forah! I didn't mean-"

"It's ok-" I don't know who I was consoling, myself or my daughter, who had gone quiet and looked to be hugging something too her chest.

"It most certainly is not." Yama nailed me with a look to melt icicles, "I wont have my girls running around spouting off their whimsical musings to war-scarred veterans! It's unbecoming."

I really wished I could hide the fire marks on my skin but my sleeves were tied back and they stood out like beacons. Glancing down where my baby had been the spot was now empty. She usually didn't stay when the adults started yelling.

Anti was almost in tears as she tore out of the kitchen to find Tanora. She didn't look at me, my own eyes rested on my knife blade sticking out of a tuber root. I understood it was an accident and that she didn't mean to reopen old wounds… but it hurt. Not having a home, or a husband, being haunted by my own daughter and being a fugitive… it hurt.

Yama came over to me, took the knife out of my hand and faced me to her, "I know you don't talk about it, but we understand the gist of what happened. Even Anti. When you were feverish you said a lot of things I know you probably will never say again- Kalo knows a lot more than we do and he's keeping your secrets- but he told us enough to understand. There's a lot of damage there… but you never let it make you bitter. We have such respect for you because of that."

Emotion welled up from my gut, spread up my spine and down into my knees. Tears stung my nose and eyes. Yama hugged me, "The Fire Nation likes to scar its victims to scare the rest of us. But it doesn't work like that. We wear these badges to show the rest of the Earth Kingdoms that we fought and survived. They are badges of honor worn by heroes."

_Us. Badge of Honor. Hero…_

"You killed a man, didn't you?"

"Yes." I choked out, "Murder doesn't determine who is right… only who is left." Somewhere in my childhood I remember hearing that somewhere. There was more truth in that than anything when life and death struggle is involved.

"That's right." Yama said softly, patting my head, "Only the dead get to see an end to the War. A war that would be over if the dead could return."

Tears fell onto my robe when I bowed my head and I shook stiffly trying so hard not to sob out loud. My husband would never come back from the grave. For all I knew he never even got a grave and living alone hurt so much. I wasn't meant to be a widow, I don't know how to play that part, and I was angry inside; angry at the Avatar. _How dare you take off when the world needs you! _

I allowed Yama to take me into her embrace. At least when she was holding me she couldn't see the emotion written on my face. It wasn't lady-like to let emotions get the best of you.

The Avatar was probably dead of old age and the new Avatar was in a village somewhere scared for her life and knowing the millions of the Fire Nation want her dead. Worst of all was that the Fire Nation could have already found her, a little Water Bender who no one even knew was the Avatar, and had killed her already. Which meant Chen La might be right about the next Avatar possibly being in the Earth Kingdom somewhere. "If there was ever a safe place to raise a baby, it's Omashu." My husband had said.

"I have an idea," Yama said, nudging my chin up to look at her, "Chen La's going to be out of town for the next week, family stuff, and Kalo's going to need help doing his work. Why don't you give him a hand? The girls can fill in your work here."

The mental image of guards rushing me and screaming something about 'finding a spy' flashed threw my mind. "Doesn't Kalo work at the Ten Dai estates?" The idea of giving even more people the chance to question my nationality wasn't appealing.

Yama nodded, "Yes, but he doesn't have supervision and its _cold_ out, so you can keep your hood up till your past the gate. The guards probably wont notice you. At least two of them only have eyes for my son."

I smiled at her consideration and then my face dropped when I understood what the second comment meant. My hand came up to my mouth to stop the question from forming. Yama winked… and I understood.

Kalo didn't need an assistant so much as a warm female body to stand possessively close and make sure he was never alone long enough for one of those guards to make a move. My eyes landed on the floor and I spun my toe. Yama laughed at me and I mock-scowled, turning my toe extra hard for emphasis. Anti's bad habits were rubbing off on me.

I nodded to Yama, letting her know I'd be Kalo's new 'assistant'.

"Wonderful!" She hugged me.

Tanara came threw the door, face flushed from the cold, worry in her eyes. "What's wrong? Anti's crying and she wont tell me why."

My stomach sunk. I looked at Yama asking if I could leave. With a wave of her hand I was out the door. I knew where to find Anti. She hadn't meant to hurt my feelings; her mouth just ran faster than her brain sometimes. A habit she needed to break if her family was going to become nobility.

"I know you didn't meant it." I said, sitting down beside Anti. I had found her in the barn next to where I sleep in the loft.

Looking over at me from sobbing into her arms, she poured out, "I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." and where you were coming from. My domestic skills… arnt the kind your family would appreciate." Hopefully she would leave it at that.

There came an idea then, one I don't know why I didn't think of before. "Why don't you teach me?" _… so I can stay indoors more and out of this blistering cold! _Not that this was a ploy to ingratiate myself with the family… but if I were going to survive in the Earth Kingdom of Omashu, I had to learn its habits-which were different from the ones I grew up with. The Earth Kingdoms were known for being a diverse group of people and that was truer that outsiders could fathom.

Anti smiled at me and then nibbled her bottom lip. "Which Kingdom are you from?"

_Oh great! _This girl needs more help reading people and taking a hint that anyone I had ever encountered. "Um… " I jumped up and tried to run off. Quicker than a ratsnake, she grabbed my arm and hauled me back.

"Not fair! Everyone else knows things about you and I don't. I get left out…" Catching herself she winced, "Ok, I'm sorry again. I don't know how to …"

"Not let your mouth run faster than your brain?"

Looking defeated, she nooded. There was a lot of turmoil in the girl. She wants to help me but she doesn't know how. I sit back down.

"You can help someone without knowing what is wrong with them. People like me… we just need space and time."

Anti started crying again and I though it was because she though I was pushing her away. I was but what she said next brought tears into my own eyes, "You lost everything and we just wanted to give you something back, you know?" Her words were broken with soft huffs, "We've heard about refugees and how they're treated and we didn't want that to happen to you. I mean, we just wanted to give you a place to stay till you got back on your feet but then-but then-" She shook her head, wiping away tears, "But then we just wanted you to stay."

Looking up at me, I saw the definition of my mother's words from so long ago, words I shared with Anit just now, "Hope and naivety walk hand in hand. In losing one, you lose them both." There was a thickness in the air, wrought by emotions I'd as soon not think on right now. "I can't stay forever. That's just the way things are. I'm not just a refugee, Anti, I'm a deserter and there's someone looking for me."

If my words had any impact on what Anti though of me, it wasn't to lower her opinion. "Why did you desert?" she asked

"It's complicated. Allot of things changed in a very short period of time and I didn't belong there anymore."

"Mom always said that courage is the strength to let go of what is familiar and comfortable."

I smiled, "She wasn't wrong."

"She also said forgiveness is the key to your own happiness."

My smile faltered, "Its not time to forgive yet. I'm not done mourning what I lost. I'm not ready to let go and move forward."

"I don't know a lot about dealing with tragedy, so I cant give you advice. The most I know about is when mom died and she was sick for a long time so we all saw it coming. We had time to say good bye." From the look on her face she wanted to know if I had ever gotten to say goodbye.

"We didn't see this coming. It hit us like a tsunami and leveled everything, took everything with it when it left." I mean my husband and I, though I don't know if Anti knew I had ever been married. Even if she though it meant my village, that was still also true.

Anti shuttered, "I can't imagine."

I let out a breath and we both rested there letting the moment pass and the emotions settle.

Anti spoke, "You really want me to teach you about how we do things here? Cooking and sewing and stuff?"

My smile was genuine, "Yes. I would love you to show me. My parents were tailors so I know how to sew… I just don't know the social rules all that well. And your food is-" _covered in hot sauce when I get back out to the barn half the time_-"different from what I'm used to." _But I'm getting used to it and the other half of the time I eat it like it is._

"Oh?" Anti inquired, "What are you used to?"

Quick thinking to the rescue! "Seafood. We lived beside the ocean, so… we had a lot of fresh seafood."

Anti made a face, "Ew. We don't each so much of that here."

Scoffing I said, "I noticed. But your fair here is good-" _with hot sauce_ ", and it just has a gamely taste instead of a fishy one. I'm getting used to it."

She and I both shared a little laugh. Anti jumped to her feat and declared loudly, "Its settled then!" Her voice dropped dramatically and I found one long finger pointed at me. _You'll have to work on keeping her nails clean if she's going to become nobility. _"Tomorrow you begin your training in the Domestic Arts of the Kingdom of Omashu!"

Standing, I made a playful bow. Anti bowed back. "It would be my pleasure to be your apprentice, Sifu Anti!" We both laughed. Taking her hand, I helped her down from the loft.

"How did you mom pass away?" I asked, suddenly curious.

"She was caught in a Fire Nation raid when she was little and the smoke from the burning damaged her lungs. She was sick on and off allot but it finally got so bad she couldn't breathe anymore and passed away."

Rooted, I stopped. Anti turned towards me, sadness and peace written on her face. "Don't worry," she said, "Mom was an Earth Bender, like Kalo. She gave em hell right back and the village survived. Even though she was sick she went into the army, trained and fought to keep the Omashu's territory safe. She made a difference and so many people are alive today because of her."

Stone. My heart was stone and it was heavy. More tragedy, more loss…

Anti took my hand and laid her head on my shoulder, "Don't be mad. Her life wasn't wasted; it meant something. I'm not even angry with the Fire Nation because she died; she wasn't suddenly taken from us. One person's life to save hundreds seemed fair to her and that's good enough for me."

"You really are a wonderful person, Anti. I wish I could forgive as easily as you…" _The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for theirs…_

"Mom used to always say that if you allow yourself to remain angry at someone, that just means they are living in your heart rent-free. And that room is better filled with _love_ ."

She tugged my hand and I fallowed her threw the blistering cold and snow. Though outwardly I put on a nice show for the family, that included whoofing down my meal extra-fast in the kitchen as it was coming out of the oven, I hastily beat a retreat. Considering that Anti's unintentionally harsh criticism of earlier had gotten around, no one was surprised when I disappeared.

That night, warm in my hayloft next to my goal heater, I couldn't get Anti's words out of my head. Certainly I wasn't ready to forgive- but the though was so appealing. The idea that I could stay here and be a member of this family made me ache such that I wept with the strength of it. Surely my husband would not want me to be alone forever.

But there was still the General. There was still the treason I had committed. There were still the things about me this family didn't know that would cause them to drive me out forever if they found out. The lying I had done, the stealing, the man I murdered who was even younger than I was back then. I could forgive the world for the forcing me to adapt-

-but who would forgive me for _how_ I adapted?


End file.
